Are We Out of the Woods?
Are we out of the woods?
Are we in the clear yet?
“Out of the Woods” is one of my favorite songs by Taylor Swift, and has been one of those songs stuck in my head recently. Instead of including the song in its entirety, I just decided to go with the main point, above.
The last couple years of my life have felt a lot like that. Like I’ve been running through this forest, surrounded by trees and creatures and wolves lurking in the deepest parts of the woods, waiting to prey on the lost girl wandering through a path she wasn’t familiar with.
There comes a point in the journey where you literally start to ask yourself, “are we out of the woods yet?” and “is this ever going to end?”
This phrase has popped into my mind a lot this year, the song has meant more to me than it did when it first came out and it is also the title of a newsletter series by one of my favorite authors, Hannah Brencher. All of this to say, it’s something that has resonated with me.
At the beginning of the year, I usually try to pick a word or spend some time in prayer, asking God for a word that will set the tone or theme of the year. This year, I felt like it was belong.
In late January, I went to Red Rock Canyon with one of my good friends. As she wandered off further down the path, I remember sitting on the top of one of the rocks, taking it all in – smelling the air and feeling the cold air against my face and saying a silent prayer. I felt content. I looked around at the vast wasteland that surrounded us, and thought, ‘this is exactly what life has felt like the last couple years.’ It’s been empty and dry. I’ve been walking and walking and everywhere I go, it all looks and feels the same.
In that moment, I heard God whisper that He was taking me out of the wilderness. In my mind, I saw the desert atmosphere turning to luscious gardens and greenery all around. Water running through riverbanks that had been dry for too long. Things were going to be restored and the things I’d been praying for were going to come to fruition. I guess in my mind, I assumed it was going to be an overnight success.
I should've known...
What I didn’t realize is that more than belonging, I was going to be in the thick of becoming. And there’s a lot more to that than one might think.
The actual definition of the word become means “to begin to be.” Pretty self-explanatory, right?
Under the definition, it explains: “it is becoming clear that we are in a totally new situation.”
That’s how I began to see this year as it unfolded. I was stepping into more of myself. On my way to something greater. And that was going to cost me a lot.
Friendships. Being vulnerable. Taking risks. Pushing myself harder and further. Believing in myself. Expanding my comfort zone.
It has been painful, it has been dark, it's been tears on my pillow night after night, a lot of coffee runs with friends, it was tough conversations with myself and others. At the same time, it was like a breath of fresh air. It was hysterically laughing for no real reason other than the fact that the alternative was driving myself crazy.
I can't say I'm completely out of the woods just yet. But, I can at least see the sun breaking through the trees. And maybe that's enough right now to keep me going. Sometimes that's all you have. You hold onto your compass, you listen closely, you pay attention to the trail you've taken so far and you just keep putting one foot in front of the other, until soon, you look back and the forest is behind you. "And the monsters turned out to be just trees..." There's a lot to be learned in hindsight, and this year, I'm thanking God for it. And the woods, no matter how difficult they might be. That's all for now, Shelby