It Ain't Always Pretty
I was talking to my trainer, Mary, the other day during a workout session, as I peddled my legs on the cycling machine. She was telling me about her goals with her business and I told her about my plans with my writing.
I told her I've been stuck. I've been a blogger off and on for the past seven or eight years, but I still feel like I haven't found my niche. For awhile, it was country music and entertainment, and now I'm just not really sure if that's all I want to talk about. I still love it, but I feel as though I've expanded on life experiences and other interests. Or I really love one blog platform, and then I get bored and start another one.
My perfectionism kicks into high gear and I'm all or nothing. I sit on ideas and fill notebooks with them.
Mary said she's been reading Gary Vee, a social media guru and motivational speaker and rattled off some great points he's made about social media and audiences and the like.
But what stuck with me was..."be authentic."
Hmm...It isn't necessarily about the platform, but about being authentic.
I haven't been able to get that out of my head in days.
I've been reading a lot of blogs and books lately about writing and the desire to create. Most have all had the same theme. The beginning is going to be messy and you're not always going to get it right. It might not always be aesthetically pleasing (ugh, unheard of this day in age, right?). But, you keep showing up and you keep posting things you believe in. Eventually, it leads you to your destination and you find your thing.
I wish I felt like the Instagram version of myself all the time. The one who's in Los Angeles a lot, living her best life on one of those typical sunny California days at a Dodger game or a movie studio. You know, when I have my best outfit on, I'm laughing with my friends, my hair looks great and I'm just the right amount of witty, inspirational, insightful and creative in one tiny square.
But, I'm not.
You don't see the days like today, where I overslept and had to rush to get ready, grab my things and head out the door.
Or the days when I just don't feel like talking to anybody, because I'm introverted by nature and do just fine on my own.
The days I'm unmotivated and don't want to work on a project I've been talking about forever.
When I can't seem to speak up enough on issues that matter to me.
When the guy I'm interested in isn't interested.
Or when I get into an argument with my parents about something stupid that doesn't matter five minutes from that point.
When I get annoyed with the dumbest things and turn it into a huge ordeal. Or that I let my anxiety get in the way of most good things.
When I'm just a flat out hot mess, who can't seem to get it together.
I want to show the parts of my life that aren't always so pretty, but that's hard. I want to show those "unedited" photos (unlike the one I've posted above). I want to be real. Because life isn't this glamorous movie reel all the time, no matter how much I wish it was. So this is me trying. This is me taking a step and trying to share my heart. To share my life...Not just the times that I get to go to a Hollywood movie premiere, but when things are messy and don't always make sense. There's power in sharing.
It ain't always pretty, but maybe that's the beauty of it.
~Shelby