28 candles and a smile
I guess by 28 I thought I’d have more answers. I thought I would have fallen in love. I thought I would have made a name for myself. I thought I’d be living in Nashville. I thought I would have written a book or done something that has changed the world. But, I guess my timeline was a little off. And that’s okay. Most of the people I admire or some of the greatest at their respective fields didn’t make their mark until later in the game of life. Nearing 28, friends and colleagues have told me that it’s a big year. It’s an important birthday. Truthfully, I don’t know what to think about that. I think in the past I’ve put too much pressure on birthdays and the years ahead, thinking that the more I planned it out, the more I would accomplish. That everything had to be just right. Now, I’m starting to think that couldn’t be farther from the truth. Do I have regrets? Sure. Like letting my mom cut my bangs when I was younger. Or not attending special invite-only events with Taylor Swift in Nashville, when I had the chance to do so. Okay, there’s deeper stuff, too. Like, staying quiet when I should’ve fought for myself. Or when I cared too much time and time again, only to be the one left behind and broken. Or wondering if I should have fought harder for certain people in my life. Yet, as much as I wish things would have turned out differently or wonder what I could have done to change circumstances, I also believe in God’s timing. He’s had a hand in everything I’ve done from the beginning. Even the things that I’m not as proud of or wish could disappear from the story altogether. As I turn 28 tomorrow, I can’t help but smile and feel God’s grace and goodness. For being the constant in my life and for everything He’s given me. And everything He hasn’t given me, even when I don’t understand it. Looking back on my life, these are a few things I’ve learned and that I’ll carry into this next year of my life: 1) Remember to celebrate the small victories, whether it’s completing a major project or getting out of bed that day. Sometimes we pass the real defining moments over, because we’re so focused on the mountain and the WORK we had to do was in the valleys of life. 2) You get used to people disappointing you, because we’re human and it’s a fact of life. But, when people come into your life and are there for you through the good and bad, and have seen you at your lowest of lows, hold them tight and don’t let go. They are your people. Don’t push them away because you’re just afraid that they’ll walk again. Invest in them. 3) Do things while you’re young, because as you get older, more responsibility and tasks stack up. So travel, stay out late with friends, go to the concert and try that hobby, because life can change pretty fast. You’ll never have more time than you do now was probably one of the best pieces of advice I’ve ever been given. 4) Life is a constant process, no matter how old you get. You don’t just graduate college and have everything figured out. You’re constantly moving to the next phase and outgrowing things. I don’t think you ever reach that point in life and think ‘I’ve made it.’ 5) If it’s not a heck yes, it’s a heck no. Be passionate about the things you say yes to and the things you commit yourself to. 6) Just because you’re quiet doesn’t mean that you can’t lead or don’t deserve the promotion. We put too much emphasis on the outgoing/outspoken people, which is fine, they are great and we need them too. EVERYONE HAS DIFFERENT PERSONALITIES AND SKILLS. There’s no right way to be. But, don’t ever think that you can’t because of this or that you can’t get to that level you want to. 7) Be friends with people who are older than you. They’ve been there and can not only give advice about things to avoid, but they can just offer a fresh perspective on what feels so large and overwhelming in your life at the time. 8) Taking care of yourself is more than just eating right and exercising. It’s also protecting your time and your mind. Be cautious of what you let into your bubble. The sooner you learn that, the better. 9) Believing in God is not about religion. It’s about a relationship with Him and seeking His will for our life. It’s not about having your life together or looking shiny and perfect on the outside, it’s about admitting you don’t have it together and bringing Him along for the ride. In our weakness, He is made strong. 10) There is magic to be found in the ordinary. It’s easy to get swept away in the cinematic moments that are fancy and grand, but don’t miss the quick conversations or a text from a friend or a drive through the backroads as the sun is setting. Those are the constants in life that fill us with joy, when everything else changes and shifts constantly. 11) You never know when the last time will be the last time with someone or something. Living with the mentality of ‘I might never see this place or person again’ helps you do exactly what you’d want to do without regrets (well, within reason, of course). 12) There’s very little in life that can’t be cured with a hike, coffee and a good friend. It’s good for the soul, body and mind. 13) Don’t waste your time with people who don’t put in the effort with your friendship or relationship. Sometimes one person has to put in more effort during harder seasons, but no one is ever “too busy” for the things that matter. 14) There comes a crossroads in every relationship where you have to ask yourself if you can live without a person. Some relationships fade out and others take more time and work to get to where you were. But, you realize the ones that are worth the fight. 15) Feelings are fickle. You can’t trust them. You have to make a choice to love the people in your life and to keep showing up when things are hard, otherwise, it would be easy to just not get out of bed or bother with most things. 16 We tell ourselves there’s never enough time, but I feel like the truth is we have more than enough. We let moments slip away, we let things go back to “normal” after tragedy strikes. Maybe we hope for too much, and it’s just our human nature to come to this realization. It’s not an excuse, as much as it is a fact of life and we’re all just doing the best we can when things happen. 17) Don’t let other people’s insecurities and opinions dim your light. Do you and be proud of who you are. 18) Nothing that other people do is about you. As humans, we’re selfish. When we criticize others or we’re jealous or whatever it is we’re feeling, it’s really not about the other person at all. It’s about our past experiences and things that have happened to us. We can’t take criticisms to heart. 19) Good leaders give their team freedom to grow and the tools they need to empower them. They do the work with the team - no job or task is ever too small for them. 20) You’re allowed to feel what you feel when something happens to you. And having friends in your life the also allow you the freedom to feel that is everything. 21) Trust people until they give you a reason not to. Believe the best in humanity and keep your heart open. 22) Always be the one that loves more. Even when it breaks your heart. Learn boundaries, but don’t be afraid to keep showing up for people and loving them. 23) Spend time with your family as much as you can - lunches, dinners at grandpa’s house, holidays, family get togethers… Family is forever, even when it changes and shifts over the years. You always come back to each other in the end. 24) You have to invest in friendships just like you do a romantic relationship. Spend time with them. Check in on them, don’t just assume everything is fine. 25) Tom Hanks is THE coolest celebrity. This really is just another fact of life. While waiting in the fan section of the Golden Globes (just before the stars reached the red carpet) on my birthday weekend one year, I held up a sign that said it was my birthday. He rolled down his window and sang happy birthday to me. It was one of the coolest moments of my life. I tried to record it, but I was so excited that my hand was shaking everywhere, so it was useless. So you’ll just have to take my word for it. 26) Even when you’re working full time, keep your passions alive. Maybe it’s your side-hustle and maybe it’s a hobby. Whatever it is, don’t lose sight of it. 27) Sometimes you just have to say ‘yes’ and figure it out as you go. In fact, some of the best experiences have come just from saying yes and learning along the way. 28) You’re the only one of you, baby, that’s the fun of you. Okay, it’s also a line from a Taylor Swift song. But, it’s true. YOU are the only one of you. Find the things that make you unique - those are your strengths. The things that set you apart are part of your story. Lean into them.