2019: Lessons Learned
2019 was…
Magic, painful, beauty, adventure, fun, slow, fast, dark skies, sunny weather, mundane, routine, eye-opening, one long teachable moment,
It was life. In all of its forms. The good and bad. The beautiful moments that felt like magic from a Hollywood production or the sad montage, gazing out the window as the rain poured down. It was painful and confusing and brought me to some of my lowest points, and taught me some of my hardest lessons. Some I was able to correct and others that I’m still working through. It was maybe the first time that I was truly aware that this is the real world. We aren’t playing make-believe anymore.
There are many days and scenes from this year that will forever leave an impression and stamp on my heart - highs and lows, peaks and valleys. There were tears, times I physically felt my heart was breaking, days I wanted to be over in the blink of an eye, moments I wish could hold onto forever and embracing the fear of the future and what was to come.
This year, I found myself again. My voice. My passion for art and life. It helped me find other ways of doing things. That there’s more to life than just the little bubble I’ve been safe in or familiar with. It helped me appreciate the smaller moments that are sometimes the only things that get you through the day. It helped me understand that sometimes the win is simply in taking the risk, in doing the work for the thing you want.
Here are a few things I've learned along the way:
When people walk away, learn to stop chasing them. You shouldn’t have to beg someone to be in your life. Let them go with grace. Either they’ll come back someday or they were just for a season. Say your part and do what you can to salvage the relationship, but then let it go.
You have to be your own advocate. It’s great to have people in your corner who speak for you, but you have to set the tone and hold your own. No one is going to give you what you don’t ask for. Don’t be afraid to speak up for yourself. (This is still a work in progress, for sure).
When dark moments creep in, as they inevitably do, you have to let others in to remind you that there are brighter days. The bad days don’t last forever, but don’t isolate yourself. Get the help you need, then take everything one day at a time.
When a door is closed, instead of asking ‘why?,’ I’ve learned to start asking ‘what does this make possible?,’ thanks to a post from Annie F. Downs for helping me realize this. It does shift your perspective when things don’t work out.
Completing a goal, win or lose, is really a success in itself. Doing the thing and trying is really what it’s all about. It's kind of like it's not about the destination, it's about the journey.
Traveling changes you - it reminds you of who you are and what you want out of life. It also reminds you that the world is so much more than the mundane daily routine you might be used to.
The restless moments/seasons prepare us for the next phase in our lives. Even when it feels like we’re in the middle of the desert, wandering around aimlessly, eventually it will lead us back to the main path. It's all for something and God has a plan in every good and bad thing that happens in your life. I believe that.
Maybe there doesn’t have to be some grand lesson or takeaway in every person you meet. Maybe we just have to take certain circumstances for what they are instead of reading so much into every interaction or moment that passes by. Sometimes I can think about a thing too much, and that's not where God wants my focus at all.
Don’t forget that you’re young. It’s okay to go out to dinner or grab coffee with a friend during the week. You don’t have to have your entire life figured out, and don’t stress yourself out so much that you forget to live. Sometimes it's the little moments throughout our days - coffee with coworkers, taking a walk, a text from a friend, or meeting up with someone after work - that get us through the most. I know those helped me more than anything this year when it felt like a dark cloud was hovering.
You can't take anything personally. One of my mentors recommended reading The Four Agreements after I didn't get an opportunity I was hoping for. The point that stood out most to me was that you can't take anything personally, because when you think about it, we are selfish creatures, and nothing we do is really about other people. A lot of it goes back to our insecurities and fears. The same with other people when they lash out or give criticism. I can't say I've perfected this just yet, but I do believe this point has helped me process and make sense of many interactions this year. That's not to say that I don't take blame for my portion, but in the things I can't control, this helps.
It's been quite a year, but I know that none of it is wasted. Even in the waiting, uncertainties, things that didn't go as planned, I know that God has His hand in it. The last few years, I've often put myself in a funk, sad that the year is ending and worried about what's to come. This year, I'm content. I'm excited. I feel at peace, knowing that God has brought me this far, and whatever happens is all part of His plan, as long as I keep walking in His will. If 2020 is anything like 2019, I'm in for a roller coaster ride.
That's all for now,