Things I Learned : Fall
The last few months have been quite a whirlwind. Friendships have shifted, work has been busy, I've been sick a lot (cold, the flu, etc) and my cat of 20 years died. There was some fun, too. Dinner dates with one of my best friends, Friendsgiving with my aunt at WB Studios, my creative juices started flowing again, fun work events, a trip to Disneyland with my parents, a Dodger game with my best friend and her boyfriend, a beach trip, I read a lot and overall, just felt more like myself. I've missed her.
As we prepare for the last month of the year, I've found myself not only looking back at the last few months, but the last year. I have a hard time putting it into words. But, I'm trying to find that. In the meantime, here are a few lessons I've learned or have been re-learning since September.
You have to be your own advocate.
This was on my lessons in the spring or summer, but it's still there as a reminder. Time and time again, I'm reminded that I have to be the one to speak up and fight for my career. Sure, others can come alongside me and fight for me, and they have, but it's not the same as taking ownership of it myself. I have to fight for my work and I have to be the defender and seller of it, at the end of the day. That's all there is to it.
Don't take anything personally. (The Four Agreements)
I read a book called "The Four Agreements," which was recommended to me by one of my mentors after I heard a "no" on an opportunity I was looking into. The main point that stood out to me was not taking anything personally. When someone says or does anything, I tend to take it to heart - critiques on work, comments in conversations, etc. I've grown a lot, but I'm still just a sensitive person at heart, which isn't a bad thing. It's just knowing what to take and leave. This point gave me the freedom to not take things to heart. People are so consumed with their own worlds - we all are, so the things that people say and do are not about us. It's a reflection of their own experiences and what they're dealing with.
Sometimes the accomplishment is just in doing the thing.
I end up putting so much emphasis on getting in. Getting a yes. Getting that thing I want. But, the real depth and lessons come from the journey. Just by doing the thing. That's where the good stuff is. You have to celebrate the fact that you even did it. Writing that letter. Starting the project. Submitting that application. Or sending the text. You might not get the answer you wanted or even a response at all. But, you should be proud of the work you put in and that you at least had the courage to try.
The restless moments/seasons prepare us for the next phase of our lives.
When my cat was in his last few days, my family and I noticed that he was extremely restless. He was wandering to various places in the house he'd never go before. But, I realize now, that was his way of preparing for his next phase. That might be a bit more morbid than I'd intended, but essentially the idea is the same. In the restless months where we can't see what's next or don't know what decision we're going to make, those moments prepare us for whatever DOES come. We have to learn to trust the process and God a little more.
Community is great and necessary, but so is alone time. Recognize when you need both.
There have been moments in my life when I've had too much alone time and knew I needed to get plugged in with people from church or needed to go out more and do things with friends, coworkers or friends of friends. But, lately, I've realized that I'm constantly around people and sometimes all I need is quiet. Both phases are important, but pay attention to when you need which one. It's okay to say 'no' and take time for yourself.
You have to take your friend dates when you can get them.
This year, I made it a goal to make friends more of a priority. Normally, I'd been so busy with work or life that I neglected other things that were important to me. This year, I've been able to go on coffee dates and lunch runs with friends. I realize that things aren't always going to be this way - soon, we'll find significant others or move away or life will be more demanding of our time or we won't always work together in this capacity. While we still have time, we need to make time for things that matter most. The people in our lives that have helped us grow and become who we are today.
The Morning Show (starring Jennifer Aniston, Reese Witherspoon and Steve Carell) is my latest obsession. And it made some excellent points that resonated with me:
"Maybe you have to lose it sometimes for people to take you seriously."
"I don't want you to protect me. I want you to respect me."
How other people feel about me is not my responsibility.
It's as simple as that. We can drive ourselves crazy trying to make someone understand us, but the truth is...There may never be an answer for that. You just have to be you.
Maybe there doesn't have to be some grand lesson or takeaway from every person you meet.
Sometimes I put too much pressure on every friend or acquaintance I meet. That it's supposed to teach me some grand lesson about myself or life. And I just don't think that's the case anymore. Maybe that's just too much pressure to put on any one thing or person. Maybe there is something to be learned, but if not, say goodbye and move on. Life doesn't need to be that heavy all the time.
Friendship is in the details.
Friendship isn't necessarily talking 24/7. It's not knowing their favorite movies by heart. It's knowing who they are. It's knowing their heart. The things they want out of life. It's defending them and encouraging them when they can't find the strength to do it themselves. It's a text to check in on how they're feeling. It's giving them a hug when they need it most. It's praying for them when they're sick. It's simply letting them know you're there. Friendships change as you get older, and learning to adapt with schedules and personalities is important, so long as the other person knows that you're trying.
"Run the mile you're in." (Andrea Barber's Book "Full Circle")
Andrea Barber played Kimmy Gibler on "Full House" and now Netflix's "Fuller House." She recently wrote a book called "Full Circle" which had me hooked from the intro. She talks about her time on the show, how she lived a "normal" life after and her struggles with depression and anxiety, which really helped me a lot. She also talks about how she developed her love for running and how the phrase "run the mile you're in" stuck with her. It resonated with her for running and life. It's important to focus on what's in front of us. You have to complete mile one if you want to make it to mile five. We have to take life one mile at a time too.
That sums up the last few months in a nutshell. Tomorrow is Thanksgiving and so kicks off the official holiday season. Here's to chestnuts roasting over an open fire and Jack Frost nipping at our noses. It's going to be a great Christmas.
That's all for now,