Twenty-Seven.
Twenty-seven.
Yesterday was my birthday. I turned twenty-seven.
Looking back on last year, the twenty-sixth year of my life, I noticed there were moments when it was hard to catch my breath. It felt like as soon as I did, something else came out of nowhere, making it harder to breathe again.
There were moments that felt like a dark cloud I couldn’t get away from and at times when I thought I couldn’t make it away from the storm in time…
But, I did.
There were days that I didn’t want to get out of bed, but I did.
I showed up when it was hard, when it was painful, when I thought it was going to kill me.
But, it didn’t.
Yes, it broke me. But, I got back up again and started where I was.
I fought. I fought hard. And I won.
Because the battle was never mine to begin with - it was about surrendering to God.
Twenty-seven, only one day in, feels like a breath of fresh air. Like coming up from the water after holding your breath.
I’m not limiting myself anymore.
I’m not holding back, just to let someone else shine brighter or it rubs them the wrong way when I finally do speak up, because I think I don’t deserve it.
I’m going to lean into the pain instead of collapsing with it.
I’m no longer seeking the approval of others, but granting myself permission to just live my life.
I’m not waiting for the text that’s never going to come...From a guy who’s never going to be who I wanted him to be. Because if he cared, he would’ve said something a long time ago. And I don’t want to be somebody’s ‘maybe’ or the thing he’s not sure about.
I will travel more, I won’t think so much, I will let myself take risks, I will let myself fall in love. I will let myself lose myself in a moment. I will drive down the highway and sing at the top of my lungs. I will laugh and have the time of my life, even when I don't know where I'm going.
I’m not going to settle.
This year is going to look a lot like me pushing back and fighting for myself, something I should have started a long time ago.
It’s going to be pulling from the strength I developed last year from health scares with my parents, relationships that went nowhere and my career.
I’m leaving people behind who don’t deserve to come along for the ride, the ones who only show up when they need something.
Twenty-seven feels like assurance, a confidence that only comes from having been on the other side.
It feels like anything and everything is within my reach.
Because I finally believe. In myself and the beauty of the journey.
Here’s to twenty-seven!