Decisions + God's Faithfulness
It's taken me a few days to talk about this, because in some ways, I'm still living it out. But, there's power in vulnerability and sharing...
For months, I'd been praying for the next right step to take. Something that I could call my own. You know, once you graduate college, you want to find a job. And then you find the job, and things are great. You save for a car, and you get that...You get the picture. In some ways, you become a bit complacent in your life. Because things are just great. They're solid.
Work was going great. We have an amazing team; we're making strides in our area with social media and making connections and so on. But, I wanted to have a personal goal that was just my own, outside of work. And I was completely stumped on what to do. I'd dabble with this or that, but it wasn't that one thing I was supposed to do.
I would cry on my way to work, asking God what I was supposed to do, because I had no idea what it was. I needed some sort of signal or sign.
Should I start writing a book?
Should I work on more short stories?
Should I go back for my master's degree?
Should I get more involved with church?
I prayed, a lot.
And then, a church I'd been attending for about a month announced that they were going to have a master's program with Vanguard University. It sounded intriguing. After looking into it more and researching some of the offerings, I decided I wanted to apply for the Leadership Studies program.
Up until the last moment, I worked on my application - gathering recommendation letters, working on my essay, the whole thing. But, I turned it in, breathed a sigh of relief and hoped for the best.
I got in.
I had found my next right thing. I figured I could use this in many areas of my life - growing in my spiritual walk with the Lord, as well as my role at work.
I was excited. I mentally prepared, I got some new supplies and I was ready for it. This time around, taking classes would be different. I've learned a lot since high school and college, and knew how to better handle studying and such. This was the answer I had been waiting on.
Yet, as the date neared, in the back of my mind, I wondered how it was going to work. I have a full-time job, which occasionally needs me for nights and weekends. I write for our local magazine, which is nice extra money and I've had some fun opportunities through writing for them. I like writing for fun on my own time and working on my own little video projects here and there. And the thought of not being able to develop some of those things made me sad.
Then, there was the issue of finances, which I won't delve into too much. But, it was going to cost a lot. It made me take a step back and ask myself why I was doing it? Was I just wanting to say that I had a master's degree? What was I going to do with this degree after I graduated?
So, I talked to God again as I do with all of my life decisions, I talked it out with my mom, then told a few friends. And then I sent the email that I would no longer be going through with the program.
Then, I panicked. This was an incredible opportunity and would have been a huge accomplishment to go through the courses. And yet, it wasn't for me.
Sometimes making the right decision doesn't feel good. Not all good things are God things, and this just wasn't what He had in mind for me. If I had gone with it, it would've been great, but waiting for another opportunity and another door to open will be just as great, if not better. For me, it was a clear decision to take this path. But, His way, might be a bit trickier, because it will require more faith and more work on my part before understanding what He has next for me. More...Waiting.
"And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to His purpose."
Romans 8:28
When we're faced with tough decisions, it's easy to become fearful of what path is best for us. Sometimes we're paralyzed by the idea that we might be picking the "wrong" one and it will completely change the course of your life. But, here's what I know about God... Regardless of the choices we make or the mistakes we make, God turns every situation for OUR good. What man might have meant to "harm" us, God turns it around and rewrites the story. It's not always a fairytale path and might not quite look like the happy ending of a movie, but when we step out in faith, He meet us there and walks WITH us. How cool is that?!
There are times when we need to wait. God grows and stretches us in those times of waiting. But, there are other times when we're called to step out in faith, because just sitting and not doing anything? That gets us nowhere.
This was my step of faith. The thing that got me going and gave me that push I needed to find out what my next God thing will be.
So, now, I go back to the drawing board. I will keep trying and stepping out in faith. And I will keep waiting... Because His timing is always perfect.
~Shelby